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I don’t trust myself around the holidays

When someone’s insides are screaming something isn’t right but they press on and try to fight the good fight. It’s important to learn to fight for success. The very moment someone begins to let their attitude change, is the moment they agree to their own failure. Most don’t even realize their giving up, but without the drive to push forward or through prevents them from succeeding. Someone should realize they have to make it through perseverance and patience for those that lack the same integrity. I’m trying to focus on the things that make me whole, but I am a man and am falliable at times, and struggle like everyone else. I apologize for not writing as much I’m working now so I have to learn to balance this into my life because I love writing. I love my audience, yes you every time someone encourages me it reminds me that words matter. If I help someone else then I’m helping myself even though that is not the reason I am helping them it is just the way things work. I miss talking with my audience so if anyone is reading this comment and let me know something about your state that you live and you hate. I’ll start off I live Florida’s evening breezes and I hate the days when it rains all day.

I have a hard time around the holidays because I’ve lost many people that I love around this time, so when it comes to this time of year, I just tear up because some of the happiest and saddest days of my life were around the holidays, my father forced me to attend, with the family, during family outing and I never realized how bad I would regret the times i ignored him, and did what I wanted. I think this can apply to spiritual lives also I know I can relate it.

RIP MaryAnn Moore RIP phathead Carter RIP Herbert Daniel Carter RIP RIP Phat Phat RIP Chase RIP Jacob RIP Tinklegirl Amber Hillock RIP memaw and if I missed anyone I’m sorry If I missed anyone the point of this is to try and celebrate them instead of mourning their loss no matter how dam hard life seems without them. I drive on and invite each reader to drive on from loss whether it was the holidays or not loss affects us everyday. Will I let this determine my day? yes, I feel pain but looking for the beauty in the pain by remembering why we loved them. My journey ahead is scary for many reasons, I pray for each of you,as we embark the next month into 2020.


My name is James Carter, and you are visiting breaking bad habits. I believe everyone has habits, good and bad. When I was 34 years old, I woke up and looked in the mirror. I was shocked, I had been drinking every night for so long, that I was fat. I weighed 355 pounds, and ran out of breathe and almost passed out to try and tie my shoes. This was the day I started to wake up. I had a long journey ahead of me, but with prayer, meditation, fasting and exercise I was on my way. It’s been 6 years since then I’ve quit most of my bad habits, and I’m down to below 200 pounds. I have to be honest, that day in 2014 I never dreamed I would have gotten this far. If someone like me can quit, so can you.

4 thoughts on “I don’t trust myself around the holidays

  1. Very emotional post. I miss my dad, brother Joseph and grandma. Christmas is not what it use to be. My dad made it a big family event. Miss the old way we use to celebrate as a family. I pray for you.🙏🎄


  2. I’ve got an uncle who is not doing well, and for my mom’s sake, I’m just crossing my fingers he makes it well into December, not just because I want him to last through Christmas, but I hate to have my mom associate Christmas with his death moving forward. This is a great post. Thank you for sharing. It was very brave.


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